I was standing in my kitchen profusely sweating, pulling off my socks and any other layers I could, trying to cool off from yet another atrocious hot flash, when the dog rang the outside bell. I was grateful to be standing outside and cooling off when it hit me: I was shivering from the cold winter night while being hot as Hades. That got me to thinking of the irony of the whole situation and all the ironies there are in this whole new life (of Chronic Illness). It’s enough to make me laugh, or cry, depending on my mood.
Here’s some of them:
I have Chronic Fatigue, but I am plagued by Insomnia.
I am always cold, but have terrible hot flashes and excessive sweating. (this really leaves me in terror of Menopause)
I have a myriad of chronic illnesses, but I get sick less often than the rest of my family.
It’s terribly lonely to be home bound, but I never really feel like seeing people or talking on the phone.
I love to sometimes get out of the house, but I hate getting in the car (due to severe motion sickness).
I always hated my curly hair, now that I’ve lost it, I’m dying for it to come back.
Somedays, all I can do is watch tv all day. Those are the days I’m so grateful to have it and yet hate that watching tv is all I can do.
Going to bed at night is sometimes so complex that I can’t bring myself to do it. Either it’s my best friend on a bad day because it brings me relief or it’s terrifying on a good day, knowing I’ll wake up sick again.
Waking up is bittersweet. I get to be alive for another day, when there was a time we didn’t know if I would, but it really sucks to wake up horribly sick and in pain.
Goals and aspirations give me both something to live for and something to guilt myself over when I can’t accomplish what I hoped to.
Making plans is both exciting and nervewracking. I get excited and hopeful to do something, but fearful I’ll be too sick when the time comes.
People work all their lives so that their time can be their own. My time is all my own and I constantly think of what it would be like to work again.
Do you live with other ironies I’ve missed?