You’ll have to forgive me, as this is going to be a mash up of topics post. I’m so tired, my eyeballs feel like they’re bleeding.
I have had so much to tell you about! And then my Son was very seriously injured at work.
I cannot say when or if I will be able to Blog during this time. It’s been a delicate balancing act and at the end of the day, there’s just nothing left.
To tie up some other things in my blogging world, surgery has been canceled. After numerous meetings with my team of Doctors and a rather arduous decision process, it has been decided that surgery could be pretty risky for my fragile body. Instead, we will be doing every three month MRIs to monitor the mass on my ovary. It’s a little scary to think it could still be cancer, I’m not going to lie. But all of my Doctors agreed that three month MRIs would catch the mass growing and if it comes to that, we will proceed with surgery. This has been a really great lesson in self-advocacy, because as soon as I brought up all my concerns of having surgery, the Doctors quickly agreed they were valid and that we could carefully monitor what was happening with MRIs, instead. Good thing, too. My new surgery date was five days before my Son fell. I shudder the thought of my being completely down when he needed me and how impossible it would have been to properly advocate for him.
I did a quick post about deciding to try Gabapentin for my Neuropathy. At times, I really fear I will lose my grip on my sanity with the level of pain I experience. Well, turns out the pain is nothing compared to the Gabapentin. I was started out on 100 mg, once a day. The normal starting dose is 300mg, three times a day. Knowing my sensitivities to medicine, my Primary Care and I decided to be super cautious. And thank God we were. Despite such a low dose, I had severe psychological side effects from it. I immediately became agitated and irritable, but I didn’t quite notice, other than to say why am I so crabby? By day six, I knew something was very wrong. I was feeling agitated, irritable, aggressive and extremely angry. Come day 7 (still only 100mg once a day), sudden depression began to kick in and I went from being ready to strangle the closest person to then sobbing over how awful I was. Thankfully (am I really saying thankfully in this context???) I have experienced these same side effects after not being properly tapered off of Prednisone and I stopped taking Gabapentin. The real kicker is, it was working. I had finally been able to sit and sleep comfortably. But no amount of comfort is worth the horrendous psychological effects I experienced. Even knowing what it was, it was once again a terrifying experience and one I can do without. The strangest part of it is, even though I knew it was a medication side effect, the profound depression and aggression were my reality. I couldn’t outthink it or reason through “it’s just the medicine”……..The change in the brain chemistry is far too powerful. It makes me sick to think of people less familiar with this medication rodeo that may not recognize that these changes are medication derived. Sigh…….
I wanted to quickly mention an issue I had with a Reader, in the midst of all of this insanity. A new Reader left some really awesome comments on a Blog Post of mine and with all that was going on, I didn’t get to respond to them in a timely fashion. I inadvertently offended her and hurt her feelings. Thankfully, she emailed me and I was able to explain my delay, but I wanted to reach out to all of you and say that your readership and your comments are very important to me. I always read what you say, but because I struggle physically, as well as with Fibro Fog, I don’t respond to comments until I feel I can give them the attention and response they deserve (nevermind I need to be able to be coherent). When any of you comment, I know how much that takes……we typically feel crummy; both mentally and physically. Some of you need to work up the courage to post comments on a public page. Oftentimes what you all comment on is private and personal. I want you all to know that you are important to me and you are the only reason I write this Blog. What you say is important and has value. If I do not respond to your comments in a timely manner, please know that it is due to my health or in this case, due to the severe injury of my Son. But I will always get back to you and I will always try to make you feel heard.
I wanted to end on a very positive and extremely grateful note. I have been nominated, by you, for two WEGO Health Awards and I couldn’t be any more humbled or honored.
The biggest thing about this is not the opportunity to win the actual award or prize money; although that would be really great. The biggest thing to me about this huge honor is that I have accomplished my ultimate goal: I helped someone. At the encouragement of a beloved (now passed on) friend, I began writing this Blog because I had to make getting sick be about something more than just that. I couldn’t let getting sick be only about getting sick; I needed it to be worth something and have a greater purpose than just stealing my life. So I decided to use this experience to help other people suffering. Because truthfully, it immensely sucks, as we all know. To whomever nominated me, thank you. I am tremendously grateful. July is voting month and I would be grateful if you would vote for FightingWithFibro.com
You can find my profile and voting option here: https://www.wegohealth.com/48159362/awards
I have been nominated for Best Kept Secret and Advocating for Another.
For now, I cannot say when or if I will be blogging. I may try to just do quick posts, to say hi……but truthfully, writing a post typically takes me hours and I’m just not sure I’ll have the time or bandwidth to do that just now. In the coming days and weeks, I will be putting all of my advocacy into the care and recovery of my Son and doing what we all do: fighting.
I miss you all and ask for your thoughts and prayers. And votes! LOL.
Much Love, Stace